McIntosh toffee bars.
Red Rose tea (Only in Canada ....Pity!).
Timbits (we will not tell you what they are, if you don't know!).
The size of Canadian footballs and football fields and, one less down.
Lacrosse is Canadian.
Hockey is Canadian.
Basketball is Canadian.
Ogopogo is Canadian (Ogopogo, a distant and less-famous relative of the Lock Ness Monster, is said to sill live in Lake Okanagan, B.C.)
Molson's (beer) is Canadian.
The biggest flags ever seen at the Olympic closing ceremonies were Canadian (twice...and the second one was smuggled in against a rule that was made because of the first one).
Way better beer commercials here.
Much Music kicks MTV's ass.
Tim Horton's kicks Dunkin Donut's ass.
Maple Syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworth's ass (I don't know about Aunt Jemima).
In the war of 1812 we burned the White house and most of Washington.
Canada has the largest French population in the world that never surrendered to Germany.
Our "Civil war" was led by a drunken, insane William Lyon McKenzie.
Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little less than an hour.
The only person arrested and hanged after our civil war was an American mercenary who slept in and missed the whole fight, showing up just in time to get caught.
The Hudson Bay company once owned 1/11th of the Earth's surface.
The average dog sled team can kill and devour a grown human in less than three minutes.
We don't have much of a taste for powdered bear testicles, but we know who does, and we're willing to sell them.
We wear socks (black ones, if possible) with our sandals.
We knew plaid flannel was cool way before Seattle did.
We can out-drink most Americans.
We don't marry our kinfolk.
The light bulb was actually invented by a Canadian. (Henry Woodward patented it in 1874). The patent was bought by some obscure American named Edison who improved upon the design and took credit for inventing it.
Other Canadian inventions include: duct tape, insulin, walkie talkies, roller skates, Superman, air-conditioned vehicles, acrylics, standard time (and daylight saving time), the paint-roller, the radio compass, snowmobiles, jet skis, improved zippers, and the handles on cardboard beer cases, etc.,etc., etc. (there are thousands more!)
You know you're Canadian if :
You stand in "line-ups" or "queues" (in Victoria, BC) at the movie, not lines.
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my
BOWL OF POUTINE" !
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You have a Prime Minister who isn't fluent in either of the official languages (English & French).
You know what it means to be 'on the pogey'.
You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh?!"
You can drink legally while still a teen in some provinces.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars (and no Americans!).
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You drive with your headlights on during the day (since 1989, all new cars have been fitted with "daytime running lights").
You participated in "Participaction."
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
Like any international assasin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian Passport.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, color. etc.
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You were mad at the CBC when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
You know who "Relic" is/was.
You know what a touque is and you own one and often wear it.
You have heard of ... and have some cherished momento of Bob and Doug McKenzie.
You still sing the "Great White North" theme song with pride ... "coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo".
You know Toronto is NOT a province.
You never miss "Coach's Corner" during Hockey Night in Canada.
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
If you live in some of the colder Canadian provinces, your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill ... it's a block heater for those sub-zero (in Celsius) days.
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire Store on any Saturday is busier than most toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with frozen snow and slush.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head South to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper now that there are no more dollar bills.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You perk-up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."
and ... You end some sentences with "eh," ... eh?
Only in Canada
Only in Canada......Is the Senate of Canada sustained by protocol, alcohol and Geritol
Only in Canada......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Canada......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in Canada......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Canada.....do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in Canada......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Canada......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in Canada......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Canada......do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.
Only in Canada.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in Canada......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Only in Canada......can you buy Tylenol containing codine without a prescription. In fact, Jane Fonda was once stopped at the U.S. border for trying to take it home.
Top 10 Reasons to live in your Province
These "10 TOP Reasons to live in ...." were sent to me by several people. The originals contained a few things that I considered offensive, sexist or racist, so I have changed those items, deleted others and added some new ones. The remaining ones are a tongue-in-cheek attempt at Canadian humour and no one should take offence at anything contained herein. Canadians are always ready to laugh at themselves. There are just a few truths there too ! Enjoy ... and don't take life so seriously!
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. You don't have to worry if it is going to rain - it's already raining
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges to the 'burbs
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. You have a university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. You have a fleet of old rusted ships that you got for free from China
9. There's always some sort of forest protest going on somewhere
10. People here never get a tan - they rust
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. The Rockies are between you and B.C.
2. Preston Manning goes to Ottawa a lot, so he isn't here
3. Tax on goods is 7 percent instead of approx. 20 percent
4. The Premier is a beer drinker with about grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban Video Casino games
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You get red and white license paltes so other Canadians can immediately identify the bad drivers on their roads
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning here
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard transmission car
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbour's house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will always assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beach front property
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the Federal government
5. Hundreds of huge but horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked winter in Winter-peg
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even when you cut someone off
10. You have a naked gold-painted little boy on top of your Legislature Building
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You think you live in the centre of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a bit of a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win EVERY Federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a really 'cool' city
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a loonie
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
10. Mike Harris: basically a more sober Ralph Klein
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Every visitor assumes you can't speak English
2. Montreal smoked meat and bagels make life somewhat bearable
3. The only province to ever kidnap a Federal politician
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move to Ontario next
5. Other provinces and the Feds basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The Hell's Angles and the Rock Machine - great dances!
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of mean French guys
8. The province with the oldest everything
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts here
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo minorities"
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. You are sandwiched between French Separatists and drunken Celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies are
4. When listing the 10 provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to leave you
8. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in WW2 ... by a friendly munitions ship that caught fire
2. Your province is shaped somewhat like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player, or has one in the family
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their pants
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, whatever ...
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest land mammal
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes tons of money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered one of Canada's most beautiful cities
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big expensive bridge from the mainlend
2. You can walk right across the province in an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes and crappy CBC TV shows
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive right across the province in 10 minutes
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest province in Confederation but with the most social assistance
2. If Quebec separates, you will likely float off to sea
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod fish
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products
5. If you do something really stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of all the "Great Big Sea's" lyrics
7. The work day is about two and 1/2 hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their pants
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day
CANADA - FROM A to Z
(that's Zed not Zee!)
Here's a quick rundown of Canadiana; an A-to-Z collection of some of the people, places and things that have a place in the national tapestry of this great country:-
A is for Acadians, the French-speaking settlers of Nova Scotia and New Brunswick whose large-scale expulsion by the British in the 1700s inspired Henry Longfellow's poem, Evangeline. Some descendants still live in the Maritimes, others have a thriving culture in Louisiana, where they are known as Cajuns.
B is for the Bobbys, Hull, Orr and Clarke. Their versions of hockey -- Hull's whistling slapshot, Orr's end-to-end rushes and Clarke's gritty back-alley bravado -- shook up the old game in the 1960s and 1970s.
C is for John Cabot, or Giovani Caboto, the Anglo-Italian sailor who first sighted the coast of what is now Canada in the summer of 1497. His voyage inspired both fishermen and explorers to follow in his wake.
D is for the Dionne Quintuplets. The birth of Annette, Emilie, Yvonne, Cecile and Marie in 1934 _ the first quints to survive more than a few days _ sparked world interest. Their exploitation at the hands of an Ontario government eventually led to a cash settlement 60 years later.
E is for Timothy Eaton, the Irish-born merchant who went on to found a department-store dynasty. In 1884, he introduced the Eaton's catalogue, which became a fixture in Canadian homes.
F is for Sir Sandford Fleming, the railway surveyor and construction engineer who was a driving force is establishing standard time. He also designed Canada's first postage stamp, the threepenny beaver of 1851.
G is for Glenn Gould, pianist extraordinaire. Gould was a star on the international concert stage and one of the first Canadian musicians to tour in Russia.
H is for Ned Hanlan, the great sculler and Canada's first world champion. He was born in 1855 and by 1879, was the undisputed champion of North American oarsmen. That year, he beat England's champion by 11 lengths in a race on the River Tyne. He successfully defended his world crown six times.
I is for Ice. In rinks, glaciers, bergs and Arctic packs, ice is a part of the Canadian world. In the days before community arenas, frozen ponds and rivers reared generations of NHLers. In winter, Ottawa's Rideau Canal becomes the longest rink in the world.
J is for A.Y. Jackson, the painter and writer who was a leading member of the Group of Seven. His paintings explore winter wilderness as well as the stark brutality of war.
K is for Klondike, site of the Yukon Gold Rush which began with the 1896 discovery of placer gold in Bonanza Creek by George Carmack and his Indian brothers-in-law, Skookum Jim and Tagish Charley. The rush was chronicled by poet Robert Service in works such as The Cremation of Sam McGee: ``There are strange things done, in the midnight sun, by the men who moil for gold. . . . ''
L is for Sir Wilfrid Laurier, the silver-tongued orator who dominated the politics of an era. As prime minister from 1896 to 1911, he championed Canadian independence against British efforts to unify the Empire. He was the longest-serving MP ever, dying just a week short of his 45th year in Parliament.
M is for Angus McAskill, the Cape Breton Giant. McAskill was born a normal-sized baby in Scotland in 1825 and, as a child, moved with his parents to Nova Scotia. By adulthood, he stood seven feet, nine inches tall and weighed 425 pounds, or 193 kilos. He was credited with tremendous feats of strength, including the ability to lift 635-litre barrels.
N is for the Noorduyn Norseman, the first Canada-designed bush plane, which flew in 1935. It was a rugged, single-engine, high-wing monoplane with a big cabin and a wide loading door which became the standards for such aircraft. More than 900 were built and they were used by nine air forces.
O is for Oak Island, a small island in Mahone Bay on the coast of Nova Scotia which holds one of the most enduring mysteries of Canadian history. It is reputed to be the site of a buried treasure, secreted in a ``money pit'' near the centre of the island. The pit is connected to the sea by tunnels and flooding has frustrated many treasure seekers. Millions of dollars and three lives have been lost seeking the elusive trove.
P is for poutine; that uniquely Canadian concoction of french fries, gravy and cheese curds. Loaded with fat and lacking any pretensions to healthy living, it's greeted with equal portions of relish and repulsion.
Q is for the Queen's Plate, the oldest, uninterrupted stakes horse race in North America. The first race was held in 1860 (the Kentucky Derby was first run in 1875). Traditionally the winners take a purse of 50 gold sovereigns.
R is for railway. Steel rails and steam locomotives were the primary links in building Canada. The first short rail lines were laid in the 1830s, with more ambitious projects _ such as the Grand Trunk from Sarnia to Montreal _ coming in the 1850s. The Intercolonial Railway line from Ontario to the Maritimes was a condition of Confederation. The Canadian Pacific, which helped draw British Columbia into Canada, was completed in 1885. It helped open the West and form the country of today.
S is for HMCS St. Croix, a Second World War destroyer of the Royal Canadian Navy. The ship sank one German U-boat itself and helped sink another before she herself was torpedoed and sunk on Sept. 20, 1943. Only 81 of her crew survived, rescued by HMS Itchen. Hours later, HMS Itchen was also sunk, taking all but one of St. Croix's survivors down with her.
T is for toboggan, a simple, native-designed sled originally used for hauling light loads through snow. Today, they're a staple of children's winter recreation, still built to the old design of light wooden slats curved up in front.
U is for United Empire Loyalists, American colonists who supported the Crown against the revolution and found themselves dispossessed after the United States was formed. Between 80,000 and 100,000 fled America, with about half coming to Canada in 1783 and 1784. Loyalists who settled in what is now Ontario gave the region its first substantial population and led to the creation of a separate province.
V is for Capt. George Vancouver, a protege of Capt. James Cook, who led his own exploration to the West Coast of North America in 1792. He sailed the coast from Alaska to northern California and found the harbour that would eventually become Vancouver.
W is for Wayne and Shuster. Johnny Wayne and Frank Shuster, who began their comedic collaborations entertaining the troops in the Second World War, were perhaps the defining duo of Canadian comedy in the 1960s. They did radio and TV, including CBC specials and repeated appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show, the top-rated American variety program of the day.
X is for Xanten, a German town in the Rhineland that was the goal of a gruelling fight by Canadian soldiers in the Second World War. The town, legendary birthplace of Siegfried, the dragonslayer of myth, fell in March 1944 to a Canadian brigade which suffered heavy casualties in the fight.
Y is for York boat, the sturdy workhorse of the Hudson Bay Co., which plied the rivers and lakes of the West from the 1700s to the early years of this century. These wooden craft, about 12 metres long with a crew of six to eight, could carry about 2,700 kilograms of cargo, twice the load of a canoe of similar size.
Z is for Janusz Zurakowski, a Polish-born test pilot who became the Chief Test Pilot for Avro Aircraft in Toronto in 1952. He was the first to break the sound barrier in a CF-100 interceptor, the first Canadian-built plane to hit that speed. He also flew the first flight of the ill-fated Avro Arrow, a sophisticated jet which was abandoned by the government because of costs.
I am a Canadian,
free to speak without fear,
free to worship in my own way,
free to stand for what I think right,
free to oppose what I believe wrong,
or free to choose those who shall govern my country.
This heritage of freedom
I pledge to uphold
for myself and all mankind.